Woman’s Day Turns a Trick

I had no intention of blogging today, and I can’t even guarantee this will be funny, but I came across a link on Neatorama that just boggled my mind enough to warrant a post. It leads to an article on the Woman’s Day site called “Simple Tricks that Make You Look Smart.”

Emphasis on the “look” of course, because when Woman’s Day says “smart” they just mean “not as retarded” and retarded you kind of have to be to rely on Woman’s Day for the following advice:

A Smurfin’ Good Time

I’m not obsessed with beauty, but as a fan of many an 80s cartoon — and as a 20-something prone to waves of nostalgia — the new Too Faced Cosmetics line caught my interest. It’s a bunch of make-up products with the face of Smurfette (of The Smurfs fame) slapped on them.

Yeah.

This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

When word first leaked about The Princess and the Frog the working title was The Frog Princess, which would have been fine if the movie wasn’t starring Disney’s first black princess. Racial overtones were immediately and rightly spotted but it all might have been curtailed if Disney had pointed out that the movie was an adaptation of the book series by the same name, and it definitely could have been avoided if they had simply not made the main character black after deciding on a title like that. That’s like making a movie called Spic and Span about the adventurers of a magical cleaning woman and then deciding at the last minute to make her Hispanic and give her a best friend named “Span.” You have to see this coming.

Redesigns to Blow Your Mind

In case you haven’t heard, Dora the Explorer has been tarted up – or at least that’s what people are assuming based on the silhouette (below) that Nickelodeon has released as a teaser. And by people, I mean parents who we all know don’t count as real people because they’re always five steps removed from reality.*

Not exactly the Mudflap Girl, you know.

It’s clear that the only reason there’s been a redesign is to lure in older girls who may have outgrown Dora and to capitalize on more merchandising opportunities. (Sexy Dora the Explorer lip gloss anyone?) Looking at the silhouette, I fail to see what the problem is. She’s wearing a tunic dress and grew out her hair. Gasp. Someone call the pedo police.

Anime Tattoos That Make You Go “Hmm”

Tattoos. They represent a lifelong commitment to a person, thing, or memory, and should not be decided upon at the drop of a hat. Of course, sometimes all of the forethought in the world won’t stop a tattoo owner from receiving a load of WTF-looks and questions regarding the state of their sanity. Whether it’s because they’re ugly, oddly placed, or just a strange choice, here are four anime tattoos that made me pause in consideration:

Martha Stewart is a Soulless Bitch – But We Knew That

Imagine your faithful canine had bit the big one and gone to that big chew toy factory in the sky. Now imagine you had arranged for a “replacement” of sorts to be sent to your home, only to have that potential bow-wow go ‘splodey after an inopportune propane explosion*. Most people, or at least dog lovers, would curl into the fetal position and question the existence of anything good and holy in this world if such innocent things as puppies are subject to the rules of mortality.

I’m Fairly Certain Barbie is Some Kind of Whore

Today marked Barbie’s 50th anniversary, a fact which you probably cared as little about as I did. Still, with all the controversy there was about whether or not Barbie had set back the feminist movement; destroyed little girls’ self-images; or had just given them the audacity to dream of one day becoming an astronaut, veterinarian, or secretary; there’s one thing you most likely didn’t hear: that Barbie is a big, fat whore.

OK, more like a very slender and shapely whore, but a whore nonetheless. Now, I’m not one to judge what other women do in their spare time, or who they do for that matter, but there’s a difference between owning your whoreship and denying it. Being a whore and paying taxes on it: fine (and good for the economy!). Pretending not to be whore: bad a very good blog topic.

Let’s look at the evidence shall we:

Early 90s Games I Can’t Forget

We all have video games we can’t forget, whether it’s because they repeatedly toyed with our hearts as our health gave out on the final level or because they wowed us with next-gen graphics and pretty pixels. Even when we manage to get past the glossy nostalgia, it’s still hard to dismiss the way they made you feel and even harder to unlearn the button sequences you needed to win.

Rather than shove these old-school masterpieces under the carpet, I’ve decided to celebrate three of my faves and the many after-school hours I devoted to their glory. A word of warning though, I played most of these gems when I was in elementary school so comments as to their difficulty have to be taken with a grain of salt. I thought I was a gaming wizard back then but now see that I was but a lowly grasshopper on the gaming highway of life.

Three Things I Learned at WonderCon

My experience at NYCC was, by all accounts, fantastic. I got my picture taken with Seth Green; spoke to Doc Hammer; got autographs from Hammer, Jackson Publick, and Michael Sinterniklaas; and got to see the first 20 minutes of Watchmen from a fairly good seat. Wondercon, while still plenty of fun, didn’t quite live up to my expectations; a lot of the panels showed the same old footage, some of the panelists stuck to the same ol’ schtick (coughMcGcough), and other panelists were just plain boring.

But I did come away with some very important lessons about myself, the universe, and the extent to which I can despise my fellow man.

Another Lazy WonderCon Pic Post

Because laziness is the gift that keeps on giving, here’s another pic post from WonderCon. This time however, you’ll get to see stars, desperate wannabe stars, and the creative minds responsible for this year’s can’t-be-missed films.

Day 2: Sitting On My Ass All Frakkin’ Day

There’s only one game plan when it comes to getting a good seat at a high-profile movie panel, get there early enough to find a spot (or have someone save you one) and never leave. That’s why Saturday I found myself with primo third-row seating for the Watchmen panel at 11:30 am, and I did not give that bitch up until McG was done talking about Terminator Salvation at 5:30 pm. Unfortunately, not all the panels in-between were worth my butt’s time or growing numbness.