I’m all for a daily dose of paranoia but “The Stranger Danger Countdown” may be a bit much even for me. Not only does it ask you to go against common sense by ignoring hot busty blondes who want to play GameBoy with you — even I, a straight busty brunette, find this offer tempting — it also has a warped sense of reality.
More like "Booby Trap"! AmIright, guys? AmIright? ...Nevermind.
I’m not sure what world we live in where the pizza guy is an authority figure but it must not be the one where I can send him back with his tail between his legs if he takes longer than 30 minutes. (Or if he works for Domino’s and I decide the pizza is terrible, which it probably still is.)
Of course, the only thing better than raising an eyebrow at all this is catching when the little kid being propositioned to star in a film says, “Uh-huh!” prompting the narrator to warn, “Only professional agencies hire kids for TV work — I oughta know.”
So don’t trust Random Dude on Playground #1 but trust Random Narrator of “Stranger Danger Countdown”? That sounds about right.
In conclusion, friends, avoid at all costs “helping, bribing, being famous, having fun, getting a job, being a playmate, emergency, affection, authority, hero, and threats.”
‘Cause if you don’t… “I’ll kill your dog.”
*As seen on The Ecstatic Truth.
