I had no intention of blogging today, and I can’t even guarantee this will be funny, but I came across a link on Neatorama that just boggled my mind enough to warrant a post. It leads to an article on the Woman’s Day site called “Simple Tricks that Make You Look Smart.”
Emphasis on the “look” of course, because when Woman’s Day says “smart” they just mean “not as retarded” and retarded you kind of have to be to rely on Woman’s Day for the following advice:
I will even strike this pose while answering.
In case you haven’t heard, I’m heading to San Francisco this week for the wonderous WonderCon. Though I had wanted to do a proper blog post before then alas, not only am I feeling under-the-weather but assorted responsibilities will probably keep me from being at the keyboard long enough to produce my usual posts filled with genius and wit.
However, I have a back-up plan. The other week Mermanda did a post wherein people asked her questions and she replied to them in a separate post.
I’m doing that now.
So ask me (almost) anything and I’ll answer. Of course, I might lie, but I promise you the response will be well worth it nonetheless.
Edit: In case this plea for blog material doesn’t work, I have fully resigned myself to making up questions while pretending to be other people before I eventually dissolve into a sniveling crybaby whose tears are only punctuated by the occasional chiming of an appropriately placed grandfather clock, the likes of which you would only find in a very old English home or on Ebay.
It’s late, I’m tired, and the events of the day are swirling around in my head. Though I plan on writing a more comprehensive post about my day at NYCC (New York Comic Con) — both for here and the lovely Geeks of Doom — I wanted to jot down a few things that you absolutely have to know right now:
1. “Watchmen” looks good.
2. No squid in “Watchmen,” though Dave Gibbons intimated a desire for calamari.
3. Director McG, aka the guy who says “fair enough” on the Christian Bale rant tape, is: a. f****** funny, b. a fanboy at heart if I’ve ever seen one, c. an overall nice guy, and d. slightly crazy but awesomely so.
4. Seth Green and assorted Robot Chicken panelists, including Breckin Meyer, are some of the nicest and most accommodating artists and creators ever. They’re also insanely hilarious.
5. Doc Hammer is one of the funniest guys I’ve met. (He’s also a talented painter, though I knew that before today.)
6. Jackson Publick grew a beard! When did this happen? Looks good though.
7. Michael Sinterniklaas, who voices Dean on The Venture Bros., is cute.
8. Whether it was cosplayers, panelists, or fellow attendees, most everybody at NYCC was incredibly nice.
And that is my slightly sleepy, ultra quick rundown of today’s events. More tomorrow.
I tend to stay away from Animal Planet given that half the programming is taken up with animals starving to death and the other half with animals being mercilessly slaughtered by other animals in danger of starving to death. It’s pretty much the most depressing channel ever next to Lifetime and MTV – both of which make me question the existence of anything right and holy in this world on a regular basis.
But every so often my parents turn it on and I, in the midst of freelancing, become an unwilling audience member. Like today, when “Unexplained. Unexplored” came on. It apparently first aired in 2004 and continues on its quest to **** with people’s minds. Taking the form of tabloid expose, the show lives on gruesome close-ups, lots of dead animals, and a British voice over that strives to add an air of legitimacy to the proceedings.
Considering that the episode I saw focused on such animal mysteries as farting snakes, killer kangaroos, and deers that decapitate, it’s an uphill battle made more difficult with the addition of alliteration (“fits of flatulence,” the announcer intones), painful puns (the deer is a “doe-eyed killer,” ha), and references to modern culture (“The Silence of the Ducks” is brought up as a duck faces a microphone). Though the science and facts are real, the presentation is unreal, making the whole thing surreal. In all, it’s a healthy dose of WTF that I recommend to no one.
Oh, and now they’re showing snails having sex. Well, my night’s complete.
I have absolutely no concrete evidence whatsoever as to how good of an actor Matt Smith is, or will be, as the newly cast Eleventh Doctor of the BBC’s long-lived Doctor Who. I can, however, intuit that Mr. Smith will raise the awesome flag when he takes up the Tardis helm.
In theory, the Doctor’s regenerations are a writer’s dream, allowing for constant plot and style retuning. We’ve had ornery Doctors, zany Doctors, crazy Doctors, vaguely insidious Doctors, and Peter Davison’s sweet-as-pie Fifth Doctor. With the actual regeneration of the series into “New Who” — spearheaded by Russel T. Davies – we’ve even witnessed Manic Depressive Doctor and Bi-Polar Doctor.
The problem is that I’m not sure who was who lately. Despite all the subtle personality differences between them, the Ninth (Christopher Eccleston) and Tenth Doctors (David Tennant) both carried a considerable amount of emotional baggage and were able to go from “Scions of Death” to “Kids with a New Toy” in a matter of seconds making them practically indistinguishable. It’s about time to switch things up.
Smith, with his youthful looks and relative unheardofness (or “obscurity” for those readers who like to use real words), and new head writer Steven Moffat, are exactly that needed change of pace. So here, in no particular order, are my reasons “Why Matt Smith Will Be Awesome.”
There Will Be Blood
Using my amazing power of deduction, and two BBC-released pics of Smith in front of the Tardis (see above), I can predict that the Moffat-Smith era will bring with it gothic horror, macabre settings, and a vaguely Emo Doctor. Never fear though, because he will be a self-aware emo (note the smirk). He’ll wear the clothes and carry the card but mock the entire concept as well as any companions he meets up with. Enough of the lovey-dovey Doctors, we need a baby-faced Doctor who makes secondary characters cower with self doubt and inferiority.
Worst Case Scenario: The Eleventh Doctor will actually be emo, painting the interior of the Tardis black, and cutting himself methodically as Fall Out Boy plays in the background.
The Young and the Restless
Now the hazard is that because Smith is so young and arguably good looking (and people have been arguing about this all over the forums) they’ll slap him together with a bunch of young female companions who will all fall in love with him in a never-ending cycle of angst and hilarious antics. As this already happened in “New Who” and even included a male amongst the casualities, I doubt Moffat will go the same route despite his Coupling roots. (Although, Moffat was responsible for the omnisexual Jack Harkness, so who knows? This could be the first gay Doctor on record.)
Worst Case Scenario: Doctor Who will become a time-traveling version of Friends, making the whole Ross-and-Rachel-on-a-break thing that much more confusing.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Smith’s look begs for a playful juxtaposition in assumptions and expectations. After all, the Doctor is canonically over 900 years old and now looks in his 20s, so we can only hope for a similar contradiction in personality (ornery and cynical) and looks (period clothing as opposed to the modern looks Nine and Ten sported.) If the thought of having a bad ass, 20-something in a top hat with pimp cane tell you what’s what doesn’t seem vaguely cool then I don’t know what to do with you. (Promotional pics show Smith in decidedly modern apparel but as shooting doesn’t begin until summer I shall hold out hope for a costume change.)
Worst Case Scenario: He could be dressed like he is in the above photo all the time. Although, the Batman shirt does rock.
And finally…
Chain of Fools
The Eleventh Doctor will stop angsting over former companions Rose, Donna, and Martha, and he won’t meet River Song. I have nothing to back this up except for wishful thinking.
Worst Case Scenario: He won’t. Bugger.
