Lazer Tits

Because at some point, normal breasts were going to get boring.

As if this needs a caption.

In the grand tradition of 21st-century websites taking plain pictures and photoshopping them into mind-numbing awesomess (e.g. Nic Cage as Everyone), along comes Lazer Tits, a site devoted to to making lazers shoot out of breasts and sometimes into onlookers’ eyes.

With very few exceptions, the majority of the pics are blissfully topless (and nippleless) — but all of them are amazing. So rejoice, for 2010 is the year of the lazer and it is good.

Witty Song Parody: You’re Doing It Wrong

When your motto is the ever-so ignorant “God hates fags” how can you possibly top yourself? By making a music video that simultaneously denounces homosexuals and so-called “whore”dom while integrating imagery from the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center, of course!

Toss in a parody of Lady GaGa’s “Pokerface” and some of the worst video editing in the world, and you have yourself Westboro Baptist Church’s latest no-hit wonder “God Hates Lady GaGa”… proving once again that you don’t need talent to make music, just a bottle of crazy-pills and the right beat.

Amusing AP Error

We all make mistakes, but when you’re the AP, the mistakes tend to stick out a bit more. Check out this screencap of a “story” on director Polanski getting arrested in Switzerland for rape today. Instead of posting the story, someone accidentally posted the chat log between the reporters discussing how to cover the case.

Screencap of part of the article plus link below.

See what happens when you take a day off Frank?

LINK: http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iRnW_PP9RtYpGgoc5KZiwY84hjrQD9AVNJ303

WTF Did I Just Watch?

This is possibly the single, most horrifying thing, I’ve seen this week: The Contraception Opera. Not only does it tell the tale of a sperm and egg longing to be united only to be thwarted by contraceptive after contraceptive, the operatic tones have actually made me switch my allegiances and root for their eventual pairing.

And it happens. Boy, does it happen.

*Found via HeartlessDoll

**According to Planned Parenthood, “Coitus Interruptus,” as the opera terms it, is pretty effective if you can do it right. Seriously. But still, better safe than sorry, right?

Strongest Vagina Part II

I officially love this woman and her broken English.

Oh, Tatiata, you flirt!

Screencapped from her site: Intimfitness.com

I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Men: Bloody

I look at a lot of things and think, “This could be better — ” but I’ve rarely ended that sentence with ” — if only someone added some blood splatter!”

Fortunately (?) for me, there are people out there who do that kind of thinking. You’ll find a number of creatively (fake) blood-splattered items for sale around the net but, let’s face it, not everyone can accurately recreate the feeling and effect of actual blood splatter.

Woman’s Day Turns a Trick

I had no intention of blogging today, and I can’t even guarantee this will be funny, but I came across a link on Neatorama that just boggled my mind enough to warrant a post. It leads to an article on the Woman’s Day site called “Simple Tricks that Make You Look Smart.”

Emphasis on the “look” of course, because when Woman’s Day says “smart” they just mean “not as retarded” and retarded you kind of have to be to rely on Woman’s Day for the following advice:

Anime Tattoos That Make You Go “Hmm”

Tattoos. They represent a lifelong commitment to a person, thing, or memory, and should not be decided upon at the drop of a hat. Of course, sometimes all of the forethought in the world won’t stop a tattoo owner from receiving a load of WTF-looks and questions regarding the state of their sanity. Whether it’s because they’re ugly, oddly placed, or just a strange choice, here are four anime tattoos that made me pause in consideration:

Do You Have a Dog?

You don't want to know.

I recently found out that a fellow cinephile and I share a certain appreciation for the 2000 film adaptation of American Psycho, which stars Christian Bale. If you haven’t heard of it before, it’s the tale of 1980s yuppie Patrick Bateman, who is equal parts psycho and culture critic.

In fact, prior to one of his many crimes, Bateman treats the victim to an in-depth analysis of Huey Lewis and the News, a popular 80s group that I decided to find on Amazon tonight. They have indeed gotten rave reviews – but most of the five-star ratings seem to come from Bateman himself.And this is one of the many reasons why you can’t trust Amazon reviews.

WHY SO SEXY AMAZON?

Let it never be said that I don’t search Amazon for weird, kitschy stuff. But there’s a distinct difference between searching for say “cat clothing” — yes, I want to dress up my cats — and searching for, I don’t know, “Cat Pet Men Women Gay Lesbian Pet Lover.” So when I search for the former, I certainly don’t expect a search result with the latter in its title. Don’t believe me? Check out the screenshot:

It's a bitchin'; necklace; I won't lie.

That’s not the awkward part, though. I can deal with an overly specific item name, hell I could even embrace it, were it not for the fact that, as a result, the ”Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also Bought” section suggested items that had less to do with animals and more to do with crotchless knickers. OK, actually, it had exactly to do with crotchless French knickers.

I just have a hard time imagining the person that that puts a dog necklace in his cart and then remembers he’s out of K-Y, condoms, and — um, the children’s book “Olivia Helps With Christmas.” Amazon, take note: the less I know about your other customers, the better.